The Best Sports Humor News Ever

According to the AP, a couple in New South Wales (that's in Australia), placed golfballs in their chicken coop in an effort to encourage the chickens to lay eggs.

The non-venomous snake, an Australian Python 32 inches long, saw the golf balls under the hen, swallowed them, and was found by the couple with the golf balls lodged in it's intestines.

According to Michael Pyne (Currumbin Wildlife Sanctuary), in his Australian vernacular, "The snake thought it was getting a free feed, but that wasn't the case." "It had surgery to remove the golf balls from it's intestines."

At last report, doctors say the reptile is making a speedy recovery.

"First golf balls we've ever cut out of anything," said Mr. Pyne.

If you'd read the post I made on my original sports humor blog at http://sportshumornews.com several months back, you'd see why I'm so adamant.

I've always thought Martina Hingis was a hot chick. Which is why I always make exceptions in their case.

(Being hot has it's privaledges).

But the 3-person independent tribunal at the All-England Club didn't see it that way on Friday. Apparently they didn't buy her defense, calling it "a simple, and straight forward one." (Source AP)

They suspended/banned the 5-time Grand Slam champ for 2 years from the sport of professional tennis which runs from ist, October, 2007, through to 30th, December, 2009.

Hingis allegedly tested positive for a cocaine test at Wimbledon earlier this year.

Her results at Wimbledon, the US Open, and 3 smaller tournaments were wiped out meaning "she must forfeit some $129,481 in prize money, plus her rankings points". (Source AP)

Her manager Mario Widener said in Switzerland that she won't appeal the ruling.

"Since Martina has retired from competitive sports, it makes no sense for her to challenge the judgement." "She just isn't going to play anymore."

The failed drug test after Hingis' loss to Laura Granville on June 29 at Wimbledon came to light Nov. 1. That's when the 27-year-old player choked back tears at a news conference while revealing she tested positive for cocaine and said she would leave the sport she once ruled.

That day, she called the accusations "so horrendous, so monstrous," and added, "I believe that I am absolutely, 100 percent innocent."

Hingis' agent did not respond to e-mail and telephone messages requesting comment.

Hingis is the second WTA player suspended for testing positive for cocaine. Lourdes Dominguez Lino of Spain was banned for three months in 2002. One other woman has been suspended since tennis' anti-doping program was formed in 1993: Sesil Karatantcheva was banned for two years in January 2006 after testing positive for the steroid nandrolone.

"It's going to be an element of her record and her legacy that I'm sure she hopes wouldn't be there and, I guess, to some degree does take away something from all of her great accomplishments," WTA Tour chief executive Larry Scott said in a telephone interview.

In the 46-page decision, a copy of which was obtained by The Associated Press, the tribunal wrote that Hingis "reiterated her denial that she had ever knowingly taken cocaine," and "asserted cocaine is a ubiquitous substance which can easily be present in the body through contamination, for example by handling banknotes."

Her side also denied that the sample that tested positive was the sample provided by her and presented seven specific criticisms of the drug-testing process.

But, the decision said, "the force of the case against the player was overwhelming and the tribunal's task was ultimately quite simple."

The ruling outlines the drug-testing process and provides a minute-by-minute account of what happened when Hingis provided her sample at Wimbledon -- a result of a random draw that determined the loser of her third-round match against Granville would be tested. Among the details: Hingis wrote "All good!" before signing her name on the doping control form.

Wimbledon was her first tournament after missing 1 1/2 months with hip and back injuries.

"I just didn't want to miss Wimbledon," Hingis said at the time. "Probably at the end of the day, it wasn't, like, the smartest thing."
The former No. 1 player, nicknamed "The Swiss Miss," quit tennis in 2002 because of foot and leg injuries and missed three years' worth of majors. When she returned to the circuit full time in 2006, Hingis reached two Grand Slam quarterfinals, won two smaller tournaments and finished the year No. 7.

This season was more difficult, and she was ranked No. 19 at the end of last season.

At the height of her powers, Hingis was brilliant at controlling points and working every angle. She was the youngest major champion of the 20th century when she won the 1997 Australian Open at 16, and later that year she became the youngest woman at No. 1. She went on to win Wimbledon and the U.S. Open that season, too, coming within a loss in the French Open final of a calendar-year Grand Slam.

"Her record is so stellar," Scott said. "The warmth that she enjoys from so many fans around the world ... runs very deep, and over time I don't think this is going to have a very detrimental effect on her legacy."

AP Tennis Writer Howard Fendrich in Washington contributed to this report." (Source Yahoo Sports)

Guilty or not, a chick that hot deserves a 2nd chance.

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I never knew what a great team The Baltimore Ravens were until I saw those sports specials on either HBO, or Showtime, or one of those other channels.
(Can't remember).

What I do remember is getting to see the inner workings of a great football team.....the comradery of players like Ray Lewis, Shannon Sharpe and Tony Sargusa......but especially the mental toughness and brilliant mind of coach Brian Billick.

(He was actually considered an offensive genius (according to reports), when he came over from the Minnesota Vikings). Making them a .500 (8-8) team for the 1st time in his ist season that lasted 9 years.

In fact, he was tied with Philadelphia Eagles' Andy Reid for the 3rd longest current run with the same team.

He took them to the playoffs in 2000, '01, '03, and '06, and finished with an 80-64 record.

Won the Superbowl in 2001.

An impressive resume to be sure.

He was rewarded with a pinkslip Monday.

In fact, his entire staff, including defensive co-ordinator Rex Ryn was also dismissed.

According to boss Bisciotti, "It's a gut feeling. I have one job here, and that's to have a leader that I think can give us the best chance." "We have been losing more than winning lately."

"I believed that it was time for a change. I believed that we had the nucleus of a team that can get back to the Superbowl, and we felt that in the next 5 years we had a better chance with a new coach than leaving Brian in that positon."

"We believe that we will be better with fresh blood, or we wouldn't have made this decision. We obviously wouldn't fire Brian if we thought we were where we needed to be." (Source AP)

Team president Dick Cass and GM Ozzie Newsome seem to give the deciion their blessings.

Apparently the 27-21 win over Pittsburgh 2 Sundays ago came too little too late.

According to Billick, "He had to make a hard decision, and he did what he believes is best for the Ravens." "We are friends and will remain friends." (Source AP)

But in all fairness to the Ravens front office, the team did finish last in their division with a 4-2 start for the first time since 1997, and a 5-11 record overall.

Since '04, they are 33-33, had two losing seasons, and 1 playoff appearance. This season they lost a team record 9 consecutive games.

Billick had 3 years at $5 mil/year left on his contract.

They were expected to play for the Championship this season.

So, I can kinda see why he got the pink slip.

But around the Holidays? That's just cold.

(This is a continuation of several posts made on my blog at http://sportshumornews.com about the rash of firings happening all over the sports world these days.)

The latest is Miami Dolphin's GM Randy Mueller being fired by the 'Big Tuna' himself, Bill Parcells on Monday. (Along with 2 other members of the player personel staff, Mike Baugh and Rick Thompson).

All before noon.

The GM will probably be replaced by Jeff Ireland, vice president of college and pro scouting for the Dallas Cowboys.

He's definitely the front runner, and will be flying in for an interview with Parcells on Tuesday.

I gotta admit, I really thought head coach Cam cameron was on his way out, after the abysmal 1-15 season the Dolphins had.

He too will be meeting with Parcells in the coming days.
According to Cameron, "There's going to be an opportunity in the next few days to sit down and talk with Bill. we'll treat it as an exchange between 2 guys who want to see the Miami Dolphins be successful, and what it's going to take to make that happen." (Source AP)

Wow.

He makes it seem like it's going to be a friendly, little CHAT! (Man I'd love to be a fly on the wal in THAT room. Hope he doesn't make Cam cry).

At any rate, you can't really lay all of the blame for this wash of a season on the head coach's shoulders.

One of Miami's biggest problems as a team is their inability to finish games. There have been at least 5 games I've seen them play that could have easily been their's.
They've had a rash of injuries, going through QBs (Daunte Culpeppe, AJ Feely) and coaches (Nick Saban) like potato chips.

How on earth is a team supposed to develope cohesion that way?

Not to mention having to be led by rookie QBs Cleo Lemon and John Beck.

I feel for ya Cam. I really do. Sadly, there just wasn't much 'in the cards' for you to work with.

Keep in mind that those firings were just in the front office.

Many players on the team itself better start polishing off those resumes.

Still, many of them seem to recognise that Cameron wasn't in the right environment, nor had the right tools available to show his true abilities as a head coach.

They believe, and so do I, tht he deserves to remain in Miami to get a fair chance.

I imagine the Dolphins won't look anything at all the way they do now come next season.